..or not...or just whine a lot...or not..
Check out this very boring article. Looks like she wrote it because she had a deadline and just couldn't think of anything better to say.
Now, check out this not-so-boring response. I love this chic.
Please pardon this post if you're not a mom, or are a mom, and don't give a crap :)
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5 comments:
Wow, great response. Food for thought, indeed.
I love her point about anything taken seriously as worth doing in our culture becomes a topic of obsession, and that if motherhood is no different that's a good, not a bad. It does speak to the raising of the status of parenthood, as something important. And thank goodness, because our children's future hangs in the balance. The fact that parenting is a topic of great interest to educated upper and middle class women and men can only bode well for our kids, and someday for their kids.
As usual I'm going to argue this point :)
I think the original article's thesis was more that the mommy-lit stuff isn't actually focused on kids at all. It's focused on the parents... and often on how hard it all is.
I think this is a natural outgrowth of the idea that in this media-saturated culture everyone's story is equally compelling, and every voice can be heard, so the things people choose to talk about are the things they're most familiar with — their own lives.
It's related to the idea that the most emailed stories on the New York Times tend to be, not stories about international crises, but stories about the lives of Times readers -- autistic children, housing prices, and yes, whether or not educated women are choosing to opt-out of the workforce.
And maybe this obsession with parenting is not actually good for kids. I think it's debatable. Obviously, it's not good to ignore your children, but is obsessing over something minor to the point of, say, "distressing" a store-bought pie so it looks home-made really better?
Well...I don't think either writer really got into what you're getting into here, which is just the *level of obsessiveness in our culture in general* and how absurd it is.
It *is* absurd. Martha Stewart decorating every square centimeter of space in her house and encouraging us to do the same is absurd. People in Hollywood having so much plastic surgery that if you see someone who hasn't at least had some, they now look hideous rather than simply old...also absurd.
This obsessive-to-the-point-of-idiotic isn't just a problem with discussions of parenting, its a problem with discussions of everything. The more saturated with information we become, the more it becomes impossible to be "perfect" - to address all the stuff we know about being pretty, lovable, good, environmentally responsible, socially responsible, and tasteful. This is a new problem for us as a society, though. In the past, when there was less information that was generally known, we felt it was our duty to pay attention to the news and respond to it in our personal lives. Especially Middle Class people have been doing this forever in this country, if you read social history.
The culture is still racing. We haven't given up yet, and this uber-level of obsessive is just a symptom of that disease. Eventually, I think (because the amount of data available to us isn't likely to be reduced anytime soon) people will realize they can't respond to everything, and they'll begin to choose a few things to be interested in acting on in each area that matters to them.
Some wise individuals are already there, but they haven't become the general population yet. When they are, sales of "Living" and "Oprah" will plummet, and there will be bars that allow patrons one free cigarette at closing time.
I totally agree that the level of obsessiveness in our culture in general is silly.
I also agree with mamabear's original comment that the initial piece was silly. If the writer doesn't want to read about other parents' experiences, then she shouldn't. A 3,000 word essay saying "Look at me! I'm not reading about them!" seems like, as mamabear said, she couldn't think of anything else to write about.
However, blue milk's take, that since we as a culture obsess about iPhones, and parenting is more important than iPhones, therefore parenting should also be obsessed about, I question.
I think it's not so good for kids to feel like taking care of them is so hard that it requires writing novels detailing exactly how hard it is. I think it's symptomatic of our culture's general anxiety level, and our collective need to micromanage things that are out of our control. And I absolutely think that most of what I've read about those referenced novels (I haven't actually read them myself, just via reviews, so feel free to chastise me if I'm way off) is about the parents, and how the relative perfection of their offspring reflects on them, and not the kids, and how happy and connected to themselves and the world around them they are.
Note: I'm a parent of two very over-scheduled children whom I don't see nearly enough of, so please don't think I'm being critical of any individual person or parenting style. I do think our societal level of obsessiveness isn't so healthy though.
lovely comments.
sometimes i feel like we're headed back into the 50's. but instead of coping with our obsessive, and often oppressive and depressive, motherhood perfectionism with little yellow pills, we just drink more coffee.
i love reading the discussion board on my mom's group because whenever someone posts a question about what they should do (like introducing solids or getting their kid to stop crying at 3am) they either start off, or end with, some self-deprecating comment about being a lousy mom. it always makes me chuckle first, and then i get angry that the poor lady thinks she needs to apologize for asking for help.
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